she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
