I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
