Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
