soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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