we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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