Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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