i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude i'm inner monologue high
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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