Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
