my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
