fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
