So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
