I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
