ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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