Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
