I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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