you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
