The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i came on her dog
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
