I think my vagina is haunted
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
