Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
