Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
