I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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