The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Come share oat with me in your robe
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
