I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
