Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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