So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
