i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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