Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
