People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
