i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
