You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
