so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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