Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We need to rekindle our bromance
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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