he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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