True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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