I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
