I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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