i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
