My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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