i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
