3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At least make sure they are 18
Why
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Randomize
