A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The adults are the big ones right?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
