I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
