can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
