I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
