I think my vagina is haunted
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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