Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
