I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
