apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
