My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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