We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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